Saturday, September 24, 2011

No Way Out

I thought it's time to have a little break about my holiday. I just wanted to describe the feeling I'm having right now. It's 10pm and I should be sleeping by now. I have to be awake by 4am tomorrow for a race. I somehow don't feel like doing it. Well, I guess mainly nobody will be going for the race with me and the only time I ever went to do a race on my own was during the Dublin Marathon. Other than that, I always had someone to accompany me. Oh well, I guess there is always first time for everything.

I think emotionally I'm affected due to some personal matters. I do wonder how long it will take for me to recover. I haven't been feeling that good and had been forcing myself to put an alright look and as usual hiding myself so that i can be myself. I'm just so stressed up not being able to settle this emotional issue all these years. And I'm sort of sick again because of that. And I do wonder whether this will follow me forever. I struggled and fought hard to overcome all this and I did it. But now it all just came back so easily. I felt like I'm in a maze. I'm going round and round and round and just when I thought that I had found the way out, I'm back in the same path again. I can never get out from this maze. I wish someone will guide me, walk with me, lift me up, remove the fear in me and make me feel that everything is going to be ok. But there isn't that someone. I have to do it on my own if i want to get out. Just hope that I can keep being strong.

Good night world. Hopefully when I wake up from my sleep, I will feel the positive energy in life again.

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