Friday, March 30, 2012

Leaving soon...

Another day has gone by and the days are getting nearer that I will be leaving this place, a home I once called, for good. It's a strange feeling as I had actively participated in the creation of this place. And I'm letting it all go.

Staring into the study room, it's stacked with boxes which I'm moving out. I realised that I hardly use this room. And there was this unpleasant feeling that I'm actually missing this room a lot. Maybe because I know I will never get a chance to use it again. Then there is the guest room. I never had any guest over but it's a room always filled with boxes storing all the things that I probably will never use and also the room which I used to do ironing.

I don't know what's wrong but I'm just looking around and began to have a heavy heart coz I knew I will be saying goodbye to everything here soon, real soon.

I'm building a new life elsewhere and leaving real soon. I gave everything up that I had built here, my car, my house, my career... It was a good thing that I was never close to my family which meant I have one less attachment to this place. But no matter what, the fear of leaving for good is always there. But looking back, even though I had those things, I was never once truly happy and in fact I never love myself at all. I was blinded by everything around me that I had forgotten the meaning of life and forgotten what it was to live a life. I was just fulfilling other people's expectations, not just my family but what is considered a norm to the society and was doing things that I never wanted. Probably I never knew what it was to live a life but I learnt so much in the last 18 months that I realised it was so easy to live a life and the best thing was I love myself more than I ever had. With all these in mind, I think it gave me lots of strength to overcome the rest of the fears I have.

Looking at all these I know that I won't regret my decision no matter what happens because I knew that at least I had live my life and I was once truly happy and that's much more than anyone could ask for.